Monday, March 19, 2012
In January, I had a lot of health problems. I found out I had the chicken pox virus - in my EARS of all places - causing significant hearing loss as well as vertigo. Once that was squared away, in February, I was having back problems. An x-ray of my back revealed that I have an extra bone in my lower back - an L6 - that has fused to my L-5. My pelvis is also tilted, and every vertabrae in my back is out of alignment, and painfully crooked. In an effort to avoid surgery, I began physical therapy 3-4 times per week. My physical therapist told me to stop exercising until we could build up my core strength and get my back in a better spot. Of course, I took this to mean "stop exercising and eat however you want!"
Last Tuesday night, I rushed my husband (of almost 7 years) to the emergency room. I'll spare you the details, but will say that the end diagnosis was that he had high blood pressure and was lucky he didn't have a stroke.
Now, neither of us is in the best shape of our lives. We are both overweight. However, I hit my "I gotta change" point, and I'm anxious to be active. He has not hit his "I gotta change" point, and is still at the point of making excuses. Though the trip to the ER did get him a little closer to making the life changes I'm striving to make. My fear is, of course, losing my husband, leaving my three daughters fatherless and leaving me to raise them alone.
What scares me even more is leaving them orphaned because I didn't change. I cannot control my husband. He is a grown man and will do what he wants, when he wants, and how he wants. However, I CAN control ME.
I'm not sure if I'm allowed to work out yet - I'm going to ask today - but in the meantime, I am back to tracking ALL of my calories and watching what I eat. I gained about 10 poundsduring my time off, and I need to hold myself accountable for that.
Starting weight: 280.5
Current weight: 285.0
Goal weight: 180
Pounds lost: NONE
Pounds to go: 105
Saturday, January 7, 2012
I've been on and off the weight loss roller coaster most of my adult life. During one of my rides, I read something that resonated with me: when trying to lose weight and control your eating, never HALT. Never allow yourself to get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. All four of these things can (or in my case WILL) lead to binge eating.
Today I allowed myself to feel all four of these things at once. I waited too long between meals, was resentful of my husband for being too loud when I actually did try to take a nap, felt alone in dealing with a teething baby, and I was exhausted from being up all night with said baby.
Can we say perfect fucking storm??
I left the house (baby in tow) to run to the store. My car seemed to drive itself through the nearest drive thru (McDonald's) where I ordered a 3-piece chicken select meal, medium fries, and (ironically) a diet coke. I ate every single bite in the car on the way to the store.
I did my shopping and checked out. What was in the checkout lane, taunting me with chocolatey, caramely goodness? Why a king sized Milky Way, of course. I ate the whole thing on the way home from the store, feeling tremendous guilt the entire time. I knew it was wrong but I didn't stop.
Allowing myself to HALT led to a textbook case of binge eating.
It could have blown my whole day. I could have allowed that to set the tone for the rest of my meals. But I refuse. I have to break this cycle sometime, right? So, I've laced up my running shoes and I'm headed to the gym. After that, I'm eating a beef vegetable linguini toss for dinner. 350 calories per serving.
We all make mistakes. We just need to learn from them and move on.
Friday, January 6, 2012
I've decided to make Fridays my weigh in days, just because in the past, that has always been my habit. Plus if I overdo it on a Saturday, I have a week to get my ass in gear and kick the exercise up a notch. ;-)
In my past attempts at weight loss, I always have HUGE losses in the first week or two, then it evens out. True to form, I had a BIG loss this week. While that is exciting, I know its the result of cutting out sodas, eating less fast food and more veggies, and drinking at least 150 oz of water per day.
Starting weight: 280.5
Current weight: 274.8
Goal weight: 180
Pounds lost: 5.6
Pounds to go: 94.8
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Before tonight, I hadn't told anyone I know that I started this blog. I don't know why not... It's not like my weight is a big secret. I don't think anyone would be shocked to hear that I had a weight problem. Unless you're blind, you can see I'm a big girl!
Anyways, over the last several months, I have become very close to a small group of women. We are all extremely different - different sizes, shapes, colors, religions, professions, etc. We have supported each other through pregnancies, cheating spouses, sick babies, moves, etc. So, I thought, what better way to stay motivated than to tell these ladies??
So, I bit the bullet and told them. Once they all rinsed out their eyes after viewing my "before" pics, they were so supportive and encouraging. I'm so thankful to have such wonderful women in my life!
On another note, today was day 2 of clean living. I stuck to my predetermined 1200-1400 calorie meal plan, and I never once felt deprived! I drank my 150 oz of water and even hit the gym during my lunch break with a coworker. I did 1.9 miles a 4mph average pace on the ellyptical. I'm sore now but I feel great.
Now I must go to bed... I'm sure my baby will be up several times tonight!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Staring weight: 280.5
Current weight: 280.5
Goal weight: 180
Pounds lost: 0
Pounds to go: 100.5
As embarrassing as it is, below are my "before" shots (excuse the dirty bathroom mirror; that would be the kids' bathroom).
But no more. Now, I change. I know I'll never be little or thin - I'm just not built to be that way. But what I CAN be is healthy. Toned. Active.
Today, I start training for my 5k. I'm waking a 5k next month. My goal is, by the end of the year, to RUN a 5k. I hope that this leads to a healthier, more active lifestyle.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
For as long as I can remember, I've been the funny girl. Never the pretty girl or the sexy girl or the hot girl. I'm ok with being funny, don't get me wrong, but I'd LOVE to be one of the hot girls amongst my skinny-bitch friends.
Whenever I would make an off-handed comment about my size, people would always respond with "but you're so TALL". Being tall automatically negates being fat, right? Right? Um... yeah. Right.
One of my downfalls is that I LOVE to eat. I LOVE it. And, of course, I don't love to eat the healthiest foods (unless you consider chicken strips from McDonald's to be healthy; and, if you do, then you may want to revisit a Mickey Dee's nutritional pamphlet). I love pizza, burgers, pasta, etc. My biggest downfall is sweets. I can pack away some sweets like nobody's business.
As for exercise... well, I tolerate it. I don't completely hate it, but I wouldn't say exercise and I are BFF's either. I love the end result, and I really kinda like the way I feel after a great workout. But finding the motivation to get up, get dressed and get to the gym is a whole other story.
I have three kids (12, 5, and 6 months), a husband and a demanding job, and all of them take up a LOT of time. But what's missing in my priorities? I am missing in that list of priorities. That's all about to change.
2011 is going to be the last fat year of my life. That much, I can promise you.
I can't wait to get started.